today, two of the rooms and i went on a drive through the canyon.
it was beautiful.
and pretty much straight up magic.
there are really incredible things waiting for me...♥
i can feel it.
September 2012
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one of the rooms and i + m who is soon to be a room made scones. and....k and i really suck at cooking so we burnt them. and filled up the whole first floor of c building with smoke and we all thought we were going to die. so then m saved us, and made scones for us the right way and they were delicious.
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| then we had a bunch of boys that we just met come over and play apples to apples with us. i won because i am a winner. also look at those cute pumpkins that e picked from her own home garden. so cute and fall-y.
 everybody, this is a picture of the frontrunner THAT I JUST AM SOSOSOSOSOSOSO EXCITED FOR. right across from my parking lot. i am prob going to ride it all the time and just do my homework on it. because i love train rides. and...it has free wifi. AND I CAN RIDE IT ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF THE SUPER CHEAP BUS PASS THAT I BOUGHT. CAN YOU TELL HOW EXCITED I AM?!  and i saw this beauty on my way to the bus from yoga one evening.  a boy drove all the way from salt lake JUST TO HANG OUT WITH ME FOR 15 MINUTES AND GIVE ME THE MOST DELICIOUS SANDWICH I EVER DID HAVE. simply delightful.(:  and me and the rooms went mini dark light putt putting!!! i was so bad at it, but it was really really fun. it was mostly really funny because everybody and there mothers were there on dates and there was me and three other girls...hanging out with each other...being crazy...being awesome...and being super super supersupersuper single. wouldn't have it any other way.(: |
"i'm just stepping back for a second and looking at the situation...we're all three sitting here on the couch listening to katelynn's voice messages on her iphone, laughing and talking and all the sudden ashtyn turns her computer around and says, 'LOOK AT THIS CAT.'"
-megan
....
srsly though...look at this cat.
"When you’ve hit the breaking point, sometimes you need to be held and sometimes you need to talk. The odd thing is we tend to talk to the most unlikely people. We talk to strangers in the street; a kind word or a reassuring hand on our arm causes us to open up, causes all the pain to come spilling out. We talk to strangers or to people who are not in our inner circle because we don’t care and they won’t judge. We don’t think about the consequences of talking to those we don’t know well. We don’t worry that they are seeing us at our most vulnerable, that they may take advantage of that. No. Why would we?"
you know those people that you just want to shake? that you want to wake up, because it seems that they are sleeping through life? it seems that they are the reason for their own unhappiness? and there are so many things that they could change if only they could open their eyes long enough to see it?
let's be honest.
we all know those people.
but think about it for a second.
isn't there a little bit of that person in each and every one of us? i think about all of the things that i am learning everyday about life and the way that things work... and about all of the people that already knew those things! i bet they think, "man...if only ashtyn would get her head out of the sand and realize all of these things that would make the things she keeps complaining about go away. she could be so much happier if she only realized this and that and blahblahblah."
i think we all have a little bit of both of those people in us. the people that know better and the people that know nothing.
we are all just trying to learn.
we all need a little help along the way.
the other day was national pirate day.
so this happened.
this also happened.
i knew that keeping my old halloween costumes would pay off someday.
and they did!
in free doughnuts!
also, not only is my apartment complex romney's utah headquarters, but my actual building is.
i have some friends interning there.
making phone calls all day long.
paul ryan even stopped by for a sec last week.
so anyways...it's not that strange to see things like this happening.
yes. that is the official "romney bus" along with uncle sam who is apparently 20 feet tall.
i spend a lot of time staring at the sky.
listening to the trees rustle.
and great roommate emily and i pulled together our food resources and made this delicious homemade pestacides and chicken dinner together.
those peas tasted like candy, i kid you not.
Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!
-Dieter F. Uchtdorf
i have spanish class monday through thursday for an hour everyday.
and every single class hour, there is this small asian man with a cane that stands outside of the classroom, right by the door.
i think he had down syndrome.
i mean that in the least derogatory way possible; i mention it because i think it is essential information to this story.
anyways, so i noticed this guy a few weeks ago.
always just standing there.
listening.
repeating what our spanish professor is saying under his breath, very obviously trying to learn spanish.
in secret.
so yesterday, after class was over, he walks into the room, walks up to the professor and tells him how much he loves learning spanish from him.
outside.
in secret.
and says that he is the best teacher. and says, "i just wanted to give you this apple juice because you are the best teacher."
then says something in spanish, and leaves.
THIS GUY THAT HAS BEEN LEARNING SECRET SPANISH IN THE HALLWAY KNOWS MORE SPANISH THAN ME ALREADY!
which is great.
great for him, and great for my motivation.
i want to see if i can convince him to have a spanish show down with me at the end of the semester.
see who comes out on top.
i will keep you posted.
i def feel like i can say that i am proud of myself and all of the things i have been able to accomplish in my 18 short years of life.
- i have stayed alive!
- i worked a job that i hated in high school so i could start paying for my college education, on top of being in two productions, being drama club president, being a member of the ballroom team, and being in show choir.
- i helped my mom pay for hermione!
- i pay for all of hermione's malfunctions.
- i pay for hermione's food!
- i pay for MY food!
- i moved out right when i graduated high school with absolutely no idea of how to live on my own.
- i interned without pay during high school so that i could get a leg up in my already chosen career path.
- i worked two jobs during the summer.
- i learned how to cook chicken!
- i spent countless hours with scholarship applications so i would not have to take out loans to go to college.
- all of my housing and schooling is completely paid off.
- i am going to school full time, learning a language i have no background in, taking real math for the first time in three years, and have been working approximately 32 hours a week at a new job.
- i now get my own ibuprofen when i wake up in the middle of the night with a migraine because my mother isn't there to do it anymore.
- i can drive a manual transmission!
- if i absolutely needed to, i could change my own oil!
- i know how to change a diaper and cook pasta roni!
- i am really good at saving money and never spend more than i should/have.
i think i'm doing really great for being a mere 18 years old.
now is the time when i should be young and crazy and irresponsible, right?
but i'm not.
i'm just...doing what i know i should be doing.
which is great.
because i'm happy.(:
i had a dream about the frontrunner last night.
i love riding it so much and it is going to open up in orem on december 1st of this year! i'm so excited to be able to get on and see my dad whenever i want. or go spend the day in salt lake.
i miss salt lake a lot.
i love it's history.
and charm.
i hope for better days.
not that today isn't great, but it's better to hope for better, than for worse, right?
i think that makes sense.
right?
right.
i have made a lot of mistakes in my life.
just like everybody else.
i have made a lot of mistakes even this week.
i think that's why i surround myself with such honest, forgiving people.
i need them to tell me when i'm being dumb, and i need them to excuse it and realize that i'm not that bad of a person.
which they do.
i think.
sigh...
i hope i'm not wrong about that.
i just looked up what train dreams mean.
"To dream that you are on a train symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, the dream means that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will work out in the end."
i think it's right on both accounts.
but that doesn't mean that i'm not scared.
actually, i don't think i've ever been more scared in my
whole
entire
life.
this has basically has turned into a "I'm thankful for flowers and jesus" blog, i realize that. I apologize. but at the same time, that's basically all my life is doing right now.
you're body goes where your mind goes.
i'm trying to keep my mind in the most positive place possible so that hopefully my life and opportunities will follow.
i realize that it's cheesy.
i realize it's kind of dumb.
i realize it's pretty much a cliche.
but that's what cliches are...
they are based on reality.
how do you think they started existing?
anyways...
i'm really thankful for this new Go Radio album that i am finally listening to on nice headphones for the first time.
it's awesome. check them out.
they deserve to be heard.
i'm really grateful for their drummer Steven who takes time out of his life to talk to me on Facebook and thank me for liking and listening to their new album. #fangirlsqueel
but really, i am. it warms my heart when artists realize that they wouldn't be where they were if they didn't have people that actually liked to listen to them.
(duh.)
i'm realizing that school isn't as hard as i make it out to be to myself and anybody that asks.
i'm just not used to actual homework, or studying, or legitimately trying to learn. we all know i'm being completely honest when i say that my last two years of high school had none of those elements involved.
...sorry, mom.
i'm thankful that my apartment complex has two hot tubs so when gross boys are at one, we can go to the other one. and i'm also thankful for really gross boys that make the good ones look even that much better.
i'm thankful that brittany came late for math today so that I could sit next to kirk and he could help ME this time.
please bless that i will get better at this.
it took me six hours to do two sections once. yeah. remember THAT post?
i'm really grateful that Estevan lets me borrow his spanish book. and is the ONLY other person in the class that would say "¡ADELANTE!" with any real gusto.
i'm thankful that i remember what:
mano
maleta
mujer
hombre
que
como
te llamo
por que
mariposa
mean. and i'm also sad that that's legitimately all i can remember without looking at the sheet next to me... como te llamo! and que hora es!!!
i just remembered more.
look at at me.
doin stuff.(:
i'm thankful for my hospitality class that made me say my career goal out loud for the first time today. it felt great.
i'm thankful for these skullcandys.
thanks grantsville high school and ken garff!
i'm reallyreallyreally thankful that i have a job even if it's something different and not what i'm used to. i'm learning a lot more about...the money hungry side of things. which is sad and de-glamorizes the whole of it a little bit, but hey. i had to learn about it at some point, right?
i'm eternally thankful for my roommates. all of them. each and every one.
i'm thankful for long-over-due conversations with old friends.
i'm thankful that ultimately, heavenly father leaves my life up to me. he's given my the guidelines, i know he's there when i need him, and he trusts me.
i have gone on such an incredible journey this past year, learning about who i am, what i want, and more importantly what i deserve. which is happiness, in its simplest form. happiness may not look like now what it did six months ago, but that's fine.
that's what happens.
that's how life works.
you experience.
you change.
you learn.
you grow.
there is however one ingredient to happiness that nevereverever changes. and that is the spirit in our lives. the more we accommodate it, and make it comfortable in our lives, the more it will want to be there, the more it will feel like it's welcome to stay. it will want to stay and direct us through hard decisions to the choice that will make us the happiest.
why would we not want that?
why would we give that up for a dirty joke that made two of our friends think we were funny?
why would we give that up just so we could watch a temporal, split-second-in-eternity movie?
why would we give that up just to feel loved and kiss this boy just a few moments too long?
why would we give that up for someone that
doesn't feel the same way?
i feel so rude and self-righteous when i talk like this. i don't know why. it's stuff i feel inside. that i'm learning about. that i found that i actually feel really strongly about...and i guess i'm not saying that anyone needs to feel the same way i do. not at all. so i guess it's not as pushy as i thought it was?
idk.
leave me alone.
i mean, it's not like anyone but my mom, maybe kacy, and apparently bekah, read this anyway, so it's fine.
i don't feel like any of them hear my testimony enough anyways.
it's here, guys! i promise! i have one!
(because of them, actually. thank you.)
basically, god is great, satan is bad, and life is just as good as you make it.
or as bad as you make it!
karma is a very real thing.
it's no longer time for selfish-ashtyn.
now it's time for...i'm-working-on-it-ashtyn.
which is fine!
sometimes...that's all you can ask for.
i'm thankful that i remember what:
mano
maleta
mujer
hombre
que
como
te llamo
por que
mariposa
mean. and i'm also sad that that's legitimately all i can remember without looking at the sheet next to me... como te llamo! and que hora es!!!
i just remembered more.
look at at me.
doin stuff.(:
i'm thankful for my hospitality class that made me say my career goal out loud for the first time today. it felt great.
i'm thankful for these skullcandys.
thanks grantsville high school and ken garff!
i'm reallyreallyreally thankful that i have a job even if it's something different and not what i'm used to. i'm learning a lot more about...the money hungry side of things. which is sad and de-glamorizes the whole of it a little bit, but hey. i had to learn about it at some point, right?
i'm eternally thankful for my roommates. all of them. each and every one.
i'm thankful for long-over-due conversations with old friends.
i'm thankful that ultimately, heavenly father leaves my life up to me. he's given my the guidelines, i know he's there when i need him, and he trusts me.
i have gone on such an incredible journey this past year, learning about who i am, what i want, and more importantly what i deserve. which is happiness, in its simplest form. happiness may not look like now what it did six months ago, but that's fine.
that's what happens.
that's how life works.
you experience.
you change.
you learn.
you grow.
there is however one ingredient to happiness that nevereverever changes. and that is the spirit in our lives. the more we accommodate it, and make it comfortable in our lives, the more it will want to be there, the more it will feel like it's welcome to stay. it will want to stay and direct us through hard decisions to the choice that will make us the happiest.
why would we not want that?
why would we give that up for a dirty joke that made two of our friends think we were funny?
why would we give that up just so we could watch a temporal, split-second-in-eternity movie?
why would we give that up just to feel loved and kiss this boy just a few moments too long?
why would we give that up for someone that
doesn't feel the same way?
i feel so rude and self-righteous when i talk like this. i don't know why. it's stuff i feel inside. that i'm learning about. that i found that i actually feel really strongly about...and i guess i'm not saying that anyone needs to feel the same way i do. not at all. so i guess it's not as pushy as i thought it was?
idk.
leave me alone.
i mean, it's not like anyone but my mom, maybe kacy, and apparently bekah, read this anyway, so it's fine.
i don't feel like any of them hear my testimony enough anyways.
it's here, guys! i promise! i have one!
(because of them, actually. thank you.)
basically, god is great, satan is bad, and life is just as good as you make it.
or as bad as you make it!
karma is a very real thing.
it's no longer time for selfish-ashtyn.
now it's time for...i'm-working-on-it-ashtyn.
which is fine!
sometimes...that's all you can ask for.
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| feeling clean...and full....and ready for a great night's rest. i'm really grateful for...everything i have. great roommates, somewhere to live, free institute lunches, yummy cookies, new friends, old friends, homemade dinners, the knowledge i have that i deserve and will receive incredible things as long as i stay true to myself, and BATHS!!! and this quote. i'm really thankful for this quote. "Every accountable child of God needs to set goals, short-term and long-range goals. A man who is pressing forward to accomplish worthy goals can soon put despondency under his feet, and once a goal is accomplished, others can be set up. Some will be continuing goals. Each week when we partake of the sacrament we commit ourselves to the goals of taking upon ourselves the name of Christ, of always remembering him and keeping his commandments. ...now there is one life-time goal--to walk in His steps, to perfect ourselves in every virtue as he has done, to seek his face, and to work to make our calling and election sure." <3 |
- priesthood holders
- priesthood holders that help me with spanish
- our men and women in the armed forces
- lives given for freedoms gained
- culture
- the sun
- the fact that i have a job
- my health
- yummy flavours
- people that hold doors open
- charlie for giving me his phone
- the colours sea-foam and peach
- lemonade
- the education i'm getting
- the ability to understand concepts
- life
- loss
- love
learning
growing
changing
becoming
today, i worked...i really hate working on sundays. but it's part of having a job...and someday i will be manager of something and be able to come in whenever i want. which will not include sundays.
i missed church, but luckily i had the opportunity to go to a fun dinner/PMG discussion with my room mates. the girl hosting it went to germany on her mission, so she made a delicious german dinner. it was great. i came after that to catch up on my sleep and woke up a few hours later to my wonderful roommates dog piling me on my bed.
i love them.
god has his hand in all things.
that i am sure of.
we spent an hour and a half drinking martinelli's and toasting to life, love, loss, and everything in-between.
now i'm sitting here watching a movie with all of them...eating delicious pop corn...loving life...and waiting for a good friend from my short residence in SLC to come over.
it's safe to say i'm ready and excited for this week.
(:
1) |
| i am forever in love with this nail polish. |
2)
i always get so blessed with roommates that like to cook. the cutest katelynn-mom made me fajitas tonight.
3)
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| i have been doing math literally all freaking day. ever since i woke up. but luckily my apt decided to have wifi today. so i've been able to do it in my room instead of the living room. which means i got to do math pants less. no pants>math |
4)
I finally got my room in order!
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| i don't have my bedside table yet. hopefully when i do, my desk won't be so cluttered. |
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| to the right you will see the giant pile of math i have been doing all day. |
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| and here is the lovely view of the parking lot that i get to see every morning when i wake up. ....the sunset does look quite nice from in here... |
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| i took a little trip home yesterday to see cody and matt's new band "the last gatsby" have their first show. i drove in with the new members of the band, daniel and josh, (i told them 1-80 was the fastest way so i could see this beautiful site. i could never get enough of this giant, smelly lake.) saw my mom, listened to some very interesting music, saw some old friends, made some new ones, and over-all just had a really great time. on the way home we listened to every single one of eminem's songs that i knew so that was a fun little trip down memory lane as well. here's to a new year of new adventures. bring it on. |
Today my nana (Sandra) gave me a call to see how i was doing. We started talking about relationships, and for the first time in my life, i asked her about her's and my papa's (Lynn) : how it started, etc.
Firstly, let me start off by saying that that their marriage and relationship has always amazed me. The world doesn't have many successful and good-example marriages these days, and theirs is one of the only ones i have to look at for an example. So, it was a story that was long past due for telling.
Sandra and Lynn started dating when they were in high school. Lynn was just one year older than Sandra. He was not a member and was apparently a part of the "in-crowd" (this was the 50's, so i imagine the most stereo-typical greaser. you would agree if you saw old pictures of him. he was a looker!) and partied every weekend. Sandra was about 17 when her mother got re-married and moved away (my grandparents were already dating at this point) and she moved with her about an hour away. She said that her and Lynn would switch off visiting each other every single weekend. Talk about dedication! Sandra hated her new high school, and made a really big decision to leave home (her junior year of high school), and at that point never go back. She went back to the town where Lynn was. He had also moved out of his home due to a bad family situation and was living at a friend's.
Sandra lived moved to two different friend's houses (neither working out) and even ended up in a transition state at the place where Lynn was staying! Talk about an inappropriate dating situation.(; Anyways, she ended up settling in at a boarding house for $40 a month, which is completely incomprehensible to me. so there she was. Almost a senior in high school, living on her own. What an incredible woman.
At this point, Lynn was about to go to boot camp for 6 months, and Sandra gave him an ultimatum.
"I want a ring on my finger, or I am going to date around while you're gone."
"Well, you have one already"
Lynn was talking about his class ring, but Sandra wanted more. That just wasn't good enough for her. For some reason he couldn't commit, so off he went to boot camp.
My Nana stopped the story at this point and said, "...we don't talk about this next part. Not many people know about this next part because we don't like telling it."
Then she laughed, so I translated that into, "Lynn doesn't like people to know about this."
Anyways, Sandra said that she had the time of her life while he was gone' she had never had more fun. She dated everyone, something she had never done before. The six months, came and went towards the end of her senior year. It was the night before Lynn was supposed to come back from boot camp so she decided to have "one last fling" with one of the boys she had been dating that year. They spent the evening about half an hour away in Boise, Idaho. She said that they ended up "necking" (oh, old people...(: ...) around 4 AM in a car in some back alley, when the driver door was yanked open and her date was thrown out of the car. It was Lynn! He had come back a day early to surprise Sandra, had spent the whole evening waiting on her doorstep, then spent hours talking to her friends trying to find out where she was.
After he pulled that poor guy out of his own car, just-back-from-boot-camp-250-lbs-of-pure-muscle-Lynn started pounding on him, while Sandra was still in the car, crying an begging him to stop. ....My Nana did not really say what happened to this guy, so I do hope that he is alright.
Sandra and Lynn headed off to the dam, one of their favourite frequents. It was then when she said that by the time the sun came up, they were engaged to be married. He realized how much she meant to him and realized that he would rather have her, then his "freedom" of being a single man.
The story continues (and still is) with an amazing conversion story.
The main moral of the story, is that if it's supposed to happen, it will. It might take some time, some growing up, a lot of sacrifice, but it can always happen if two people love each other and want a life together badly enough.
...and that i really just want someone to love me enough to feel like they need to beat up a guy that is trying to make the moves on me. :P
I think it's also really important to remember that maybe it WON'T happen. Thinking that way still is an optimistic outcome for me, because if it doesn't work out one way, it will work out a different way with someone else that will make you happier than you previously thought was possible.
Anyways....I'm just really grateful for my grandparents and the example they have been able set for me. Because of them, I know what love looks like, and what I should set my standard for it at.♥
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| All these years later, and he still looks at her like this. |
first off...let's just marvel at how close i am to starting the book of mormon over again!
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| yaaaaayy...! |
yesterday...i actually didn't make it to any of my classes accidentally.
i slept through the first one (justifiably), then i went to my second one (which is math) only to find the door closed with a sticky note on it that was talking about a lecture or something IN SPANISH. how the heck am i supposed to know what that means? where the fetch is my class? how on EARTH did i lose my phone for the SECOND time this year? (rly, tho. this happened.)
so i leave, upset, because this means i have a whole hour and a half before my next class starts. and i could be sleeping. but actually this works out great because i have to drop something off at a friend's that i wouldn't've had time for earlier.
still with me?
great.
so i leave to get back on the bus (still loving it) when i realize i don't have my phone on me...blahblah....this takes like half an hour to get figured out, then half ANOTHER hour for me to actually get home and get headed to my friend's that so graciously let me borrow a pillow when didn't have one. so i did that...and by the time i got back hoe, my spanish class had started and it was too late....and so i went back to sleep. it was great.
FUN FACT: i later learned that my class was actually inside of the classroom. all i had to do was open the door....#smh
anyways...it's fine....i went to all of my classes today and had no idea what was going on, but that's normal; not just because i missed the class.
so yeah. today was great. my roommates are in the rec program for wolverine crossing so they plan all the activities for us and everything...and the big opening bash was tonight...so i thought i would go and support them...so i did! it actually ended up being a lot of fun. i met some people from the ward...sat in a hot tub...ate some pizza...got eaten by some mosquitos. great.
then my good old friend @cgreenburg is in town so i met up with him and @damnthatmatt, his girlfriend, and their two new bandmates. we broke...started a new...? tradition a little bit by skipping denny's and going to ihop. it was great....JADE.
"I have had a very hard life, and that has made me a very cruel person."
really, it was great. i hope i can switch work from saturday to friday so i can see them play a show. that would be nice.
also if anyone can come up with an awesome band name with the initials w.t.f., let me know. i am very interested.