let me get this straight.
let me see if i'm the only one that feels this way...
or maybe there's something that i'm missing out on?
i have a really hard time letting people know what i actually mean, or what i actually want.
oh, i want to go on a date with this kid that i'm kind of friends with, but if he wanted to go on a date with me, he would've already asked me, right? RIGHT?
right.
so clearly he doesn't want to go out with me.
RIGHT?
so i'll just sit here.
and keep being his friend and never do anything about it.
because obviously that's a lot safer.
----
oh, i am working more than i was supposed to orginally, but i'm the new girl, so if i say anything they'll fire me, right? or maybe they'll say no and it will be super awkward from that point on.
i'd rather work too much than not work at all, so i'll just keep burning myself out.
that's safer in the long run, right?
----
oh, i want to get to know more people in the ward and make more friends, but people don't seem to feel the same way about me, so that must mean that i'd make a complete fool of myself to try and be myself around them and be a little more outgoing.
RIGHT?
so i'll just sit here with my roommates and act as indifferent as everybody else feels.
i'll still be just as happy.
...right?
but what if that boy feels the exact same way that i do? what if he wants to go out with me too?
---
what if my work actually won't care and they've been trying to find an excuse to hire someone else, but doesn't want to take anyone else's hours away from them?
---
what if there are so many people in my ward that feel the same way? but are too shy and insecure just like me to do anything about it?
everybody needs somebody, right?
so here's my question....
WHY ARE WE SO SCARED TO SAY WHAT WE REALLY FEEL?
Why is it that we let fear dictate our lives?
wouldn't the reward of finding out that somebody feels the same way that you do be more rewarding than not risking rejection at all?
this is where i struggle.
i'm too scared that if i don't act the way that everybody wants me to act, then they aren't going to want anything to do with me.
irrational, i know, but it's my reality.
so instead, i let these feeling build up inside of me.
i start feeling resentful to these people that i hold my feelings from, and it causes so much confusion, because they don't even know what's going on.
guys, i'm a mess.
or is everybody like this?
i'm too scared to find out.
So, if it wouldn't be too much to ask, everybody...
just tell me how you feel.
don't have ulterior motives with me.
don't have hidden meanings behind what your doing.
just be real with me, and i promise i will open up my whole entire heart and life to you.
yeah, it's really that easy guys.
respect me, and you'll become an instant best friend.
i am one of the most loyal people i know.
i don't know what i'm saying anymore.
i don't remember what my point was.
i hope that m didn't throw away my half eaten bag of popcorn.
i get off work in 13 minutes. i'm super stoked.
let's all just love each other.
that's the moral of the story.
that's the kind of world i want to live in.