life is fetching scary, guys.
no, really.
it is.
there are so many reasons for each of us to want to think this is as good as it's going to get.
or there's no use in trying anymore; you've already worked so hard and there is nothing to show for it.
or maybe you realize that where you want to be is so far from where you are.
and the thought that maybe you have to get there someday is so over-whelming.
crippling, maybe.
"maybe that's the reason so-and-so will never be able to fully love me", you'll tell yourself.
"because i don't even know myself well enough to love myself."
i've been thinking a lot about love lately.
what does it mean?
what does it/does it not constitute.
and how do you decide...how do you decide which love to give your all to? how do you decide to invest everything you have into another human being that has feelings all of their own and can make their own decisions that may or may not line up with yours?
how do you decide when that is worth it?
things i cannot control
how others react to me being open with them
the weather
my work schedule (boo)
how much love others are willing to accept
the decisions of others
the lord's timing
things i can control
how i react to others being open with me
how much i love and if i choose to share that love
how organized i am
how punctual i am
how studious i am
the spirit in my life
my reaction when things do not go as planned
i am in charge of the decisions i make.
i am in charge of the life i have.
it is up to me to decide whether or not i want to take the advice of someone who has gone through and felt exactly what i am going through.
i think that sounds like a pretty good idea, yeah?