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| this morning, two of the rooms and i made breakfast together. at like...noon. E made the eggs. M made the pancakes. and yep. you guessed it. i provided and made the bacon. i love all of my friends so much. this past month has been such a growing experience for me. i have had to completely rearrange my comfort zone. i have had to rely on the lord and my own know-how more than ever. i am blessed. sometimes all i can really do to explain how i feel, is show you this quote: "It is easy to forget how perfectly life works out. When you are down, you believe that things never work in your favor. But if you look back, you see that in many cases, things happened exactly the way they needed to." and that's how i feel right now. i feel so alive in ways that i never thought existed. i have been able to do so many fun, crazy things. i have been able to be my own person. i have been able to find out what i want as an individual. if you told me that i would feel the way i feel right now, three weeks ago, i would've told you to shut up and leave me alone with my giant bowl of ice cream. ...i'm pretty sure that happened, actually. there's also this really awesome lady that does research on vulnerability. you can find it here. it's really interesting. and more than that, it is eye opening. M bought her book. i'm really excited to read it when she's done with it. for now, i just have to be complacent with the parts that M thinks are really interesting that she randomly shares with me. anyways.... God is great, and i love him. it's really important to let others see who you really are. i honestly don't think i've ever let anybody see that before. i'm really excited to see where: opening up, and letting go of expectations, and knowing that i, and everybody around me, deserves love, takes me. |
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| drink master M with the first drink of the night. |
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| we quickly graduated to something more exciting. |
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| this one was really gross. but really pretty! |
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| ask me to make you a lemon-lime margarita sometime. i got really good at it. and it ended up being one of my two favourite drinks. |
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| this was not a fun party to clean up. |
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| favourite drink number two. i made at least 4 of these even after everybody left. |
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| and i made one for E! happy birthday! |
sometimes you think you might like a boy.
and then he says something.
not something that is bad.
not something that should make you stop thinking that you might like him.
...but that's exactly what it does.
it's just that you don't want to like a boy that says those things.
poor kid, never even had a chance.
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| i used to think this school was really ugly. it's safe to say that i have completely changed my mind. |
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| srsly, though. look at this place. |
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| sometimes, hermione is the first thing anybody sees when they look out the front door. |
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| M made the yummiest iced coffee for the rooms that didn't have any actual coffee in it. AND I TOOK OUT MY SWEATERS!
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today was kind of uneventful, but i love finding extraordinary things out of the average things.
so that's what i'm going to do.
i took a spanish test today and don't even feel too awful about how i did. it's definitely not cien por ciento, but i feel good about it being a passing grade.
i got am officially all caught up on my homework...except for my span homework, which i am going to do when i am finished on here.(:
a girl from my yoga class talked to me all the way from the studio to the bus stop. that was nice. sometimes some fresh human interaction is good for the soul.
i went to fhe and actually got some physical activity. i thought i was going to die, and M tore a ligament, so we went home early.
not before we stole some capri sun, though.
M went with me to wally world even though she was so hobbly and broken.
i now have food to eat! yay!
kacy and robin came over to say hi because they were at wally and i live over in that vicinity. it was fun because robin knew a few people that went on the same mission as k and m so they talked for a long time about that.
kacy asked me how things were with a boy that i've gone on a few dates with...and i didn't know what to say. they were fine. not great, but not bad. then kacy and i talked for a few minutes about how much it sucks when there is absolutely nothing super wrong with a guy...and you can't find a reason not to like him...but you just don't.
i thought that was a really interesting concept.
sometimes on paper everything looks great, but it all really comes down to chemistry. and so far...there is none with this boy. he's got one more date to prove me wrong!
(thanks bekah's aaron for the advice that you should give a boy three chances, and if nothing clicks after that, then you are free to write him off as future love-interest.)
i went home this past weekend and cody gave me a book to read called The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
it's mostly about a boy (charlie) that is going through high school. he has a really great hold on reality and plans silly things about his future. i feel like charlie and i are a lot alike, except for he is a boy. and he also doesn't have the sense of what is wrong or right like i do, so he does a lot of things that i would never do. and it makes me sad to think that maybe there are a lot of 14 year old kids going to parties and accidentally eating special brownies and knowing too much about how...certain things work.
and that's probably true.
that's probably what happens everywhere else.
anyways, while i'm reading this, i've been underlining quotes that i love, so i will be sharing them on here while i progress through the book so i have somewhere to find them if i ever want/need to.
"it would be very nice to have a friend again. i would like that more than a date."
"'i mean it's not like in the movies where girls like jerks or anything like that. it's not that easy. they just like anybody that can give them a purpose.
girls like guys to be a challenge. it gives them some mold to fit in how they act.
the funny thing is that some girls think they can actually change guys. and what's funny is that if they actually did change them, they'd get bored. they'd have no challenge left.. you just have to give girls some time to think of a new way of doing things, that's all. some of them will figure it out here. some of them later. i wouldn't worry about it too much.'
but i did worry about it. i've been worrying about it ever since he told me. i look at people holding hands in the hallways, and i try to think about how it all works. at the school dances, i sit in the background, and i tap my toe, and i wonder how many couples will dance to "their song". in the hallways, i see the girls wearing the guys' jackets, and i think about the idea of property. and i wonder if anyone is really happy. i hope they are.
i really hope they are"
"'he's my whole world.'
'don't say that about anyone again. not even me.' that was her mom saying that."
"not everyone has a sob story, charlie. and even if they do, it's no excuse.
"i just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is."
i like this book a lot.